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| Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives |
From: Whitney
Sent: Monday, June 25, 2012 2:32 PM
To: [Caseworker]
Subject: Re: Destiny and [brother] Adoption Broadcast
Hi [Caseworker]:
Hope all is well with you. It's been three weeks since we submitted for Destiny and [her brother] and I just wanted to check on their status. Have you heard anything?
Also, I wanted to inquire about the number of broadcasts we are receiving. We're only getting one every month or so. Are no kids coming through? It's so much less than expected.
Thanks,
Whitney
Sent: Monday, June 25, 2012 2:32 PM
To: [Caseworker]
Subject: Re: Destiny and [brother] Adoption Broadcast
Hi [Caseworker]:
Hope all is well with you. It's been three weeks since we submitted for Destiny and [her brother] and I just wanted to check on their status. Have you heard anything?
Also, I wanted to inquire about the number of broadcasts we are receiving. We're only getting one every month or so. Are no kids coming through? It's so much less than expected.
Thanks,
Whitney
On Jun 25, 2012, at 2:53 PM, [Caseworker] wrote:
Hi Whitney,
Hi Whitney,
In response to your questions, I have heard nothing about Destiny and [her brother]. If we don’t hear anything this week, I will e-mail the case worker. It is not unusual to go a month or so before hearing on anything after you submit your study. Right now there are a lot of older kids coming through, teens and some younger kids with some physical and mental health disorders that I know none of our families would like to handle. For example, we have had broadcasts on some autistic children, kids with feeding tubes, etc. The other thing I am noticing are a lot of sibling groups for four or more children. Right now I have four brothers ranging in age from 11 to a 2 year old, Anglo and I believe the 8 year old is probably either learning delayed or has a developmental disorder. I also have another sibling group that I believe you all got the broadcast on with two boys ages 12 and 10 and two girls ages 8 and 3. I believe the oldest girl in this group has some serious learning delays and the boys don’t like to share a room because they do not get along. There are no kids coming through in singles other than teens or some with some serious disorders. I am sending on to you and our other approved families any kids in which I think you may have an interest. We are in the process right now of placing three brothers in [another family's] home who are 12, 11 and 8. Another family is getting a sibling group of 5 children this summer and another family is getting a group of three, two of whom are teens. The competition for single children under age 10 is fierce. When you look at the numbers of these children available in Texas for adoption, there aren’t that many. Also many of the children coming through are Hispanic and the CPS workers really prefer to place them with Hispanic families if possible. So all I can advise is that you hang in there and eventually we will find your kid or kids.
Regards,
[Caseworker]
From: Whitney
Sent: Monday, June 25, 2012 4:06 PM
To: [Caseworker]
Cc: Shawn
Subject: Re: Destiny and [brother] Adoption Broadcast
Thank you for the update. I do not think that it was made clear to us from the beginning how few children would be available within reasonable parameters. In orientation, families are told that children under age six, especially younger, would not be available through the state, but that is really the only restriction put forth. It seems like what you are saying is that groups of three or less children of any age combination below teenagers are not usually available, and that we will not be considered to parent Hispanic children (though we would very nearly prefer to), which is a majority of the population.
Groups of four and five children with or only children with severe problems were definitely not presented as the norm for the program. Those are the difficult to place children, the ones who end up on the news or the websites; in long-term foster or a group home. It would not be feasible or healthy for Shawn and I to parent those children. What I'm confused about is the rest of the children. Are they being adopted through foster? Or do they not exist? Please help me understand as I am really at this point shocked at how this has turned out so far.
Thank you again,
Whitney
Sent: Monday, June 25, 2012 4:06 PM
To: [Caseworker]
Cc: Shawn
Subject: Re: Destiny and [brother] Adoption Broadcast
Thank you for the update. I do not think that it was made clear to us from the beginning how few children would be available within reasonable parameters. In orientation, families are told that children under age six, especially younger, would not be available through the state, but that is really the only restriction put forth. It seems like what you are saying is that groups of three or less children of any age combination below teenagers are not usually available, and that we will not be considered to parent Hispanic children (though we would very nearly prefer to), which is a majority of the population.
Groups of four and five children with or only children with severe problems were definitely not presented as the norm for the program. Those are the difficult to place children, the ones who end up on the news or the websites; in long-term foster or a group home. It would not be feasible or healthy for Shawn and I to parent those children. What I'm confused about is the rest of the children. Are they being adopted through foster? Or do they not exist? Please help me understand as I am really at this point shocked at how this has turned out so far.
Thank you again,
Whitney
On Jun 25, 2012, at 4:25 PM, [Caseworker] wrote:
Whitney,
I can understand your confusion regarding the “pool” of eligible children available for adoption. It seems to have changed every year since I have been with [the agency]. I cannot guarantee that it will stay as it is now. A year ago, we were not seeing all of the large sibling groups like what are coming through this year. The children who are tough to place, those with chronic disabilities such as autism have and will probably always be there. You are right that many if not most of those will grow up in foster or institutional care. I would not advise any of my families to consider adoption of one of these children as it requires a life time commitment to their care, which most families cannot do. I personally think there is a shrinking number of children available for adoption that are suitable for many approved adoptive homes. That is due to changes in the CPS system that looks first to relatives with whom to place children, as well as a reluctance on the part of judges to terminate parental rights until every chance has been given to them to show they can parent safely. When kids who are basic or moderate level of care come available for adoption (especially Anglo and Hispanic), Caseworkers have their choice of multiple good homes for any child under 10 years of age. We have been saying for sometime in orientation meetings that flexibility is key in finding a child or children for your home and that the hardest part of the adoption process is the waiting that families go through before getting a placement.
[Caseworker]
My husband and I are at odds over the meaning of this exchange. He seems to think it means we just have to wait longer. I feel as if it more likely means what we are waiting for is not coming. I wonder if we shouldn't explore something riskier that might produce results, like foster care. And I wonder at what point the stress and sadness might require us to take our names off the list.
I look back and can remember the joy I felt the day I realized I could adopt. That the obstacles of my health issues and my husband's age could be overcome, that we could still have a child and maybe even provide a home for a suffering, lonely kid in the process. I can remember how I felt when I found out that the international adoption I initially desired costs more than $40,000+ and therefore would not be an option. I remember the year we spent struggling to come up with a plan to fund a $25,000+ domestic infant adoption, following the advice of books like "You CAN Adopt!" in search of non-existent assistance from employer programs and churches and grants. And I remember the day we sat down and spoke again about the pros and cons of older child adoption through the state, which is largely cost-free but can be a minefield since you are dealing with children removed from abusive homes. I remember the day in December that we received the broadcast for Mark, and I stupidly believed he might be our child. What I don't remember is exactly when I lost the hope I had before. I'm not sure when I stopped looking at bunk beds and nearby schools. I just know I did, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
