My Three Sons?

It had been over a month since we received our last broadcast for available children. At the end of February we found out that Mark M., the original child for whom we submitted our home study, had run into legal issues regarding his availability for adoption, so that is no longer an option. It's hard to let Mark go; his was the first little face I ever dreamed about calling our own.

In all it was a month and a half of nothing. No broadcasts, no information coming our way. Mid-March Shawn and I took our first trip to Europe, and I resolved to give my mind a rest and just enjoy myself. As luck would have it, while checking email in Italy I saw that we finally got another broadcast, this time for three blue-eyed boys aged 7, 6 and 3. We were very excited to submit for them. The boys have experienced no physical/sexual abuse, instead suffering some relatively brief neglect and malnourishment which can leave fewer scars. On Tuesday it will be two weeks since we submitted for them, which is when the caseworker will check in on the status of their search. I dread another email saying we’re not in the running.
 
Late this week our caseworker sent another, different sibling group of three for our consideration. We were cautiously optimistic to submit our home study for them because the group had 2 toddlers, and we have not had much luck with young kids in previous broadcasts. Also, this group had one girl. I sat at home that night thinking about day care and what I am supposed to feed a two-year-old. When you are deciding whether these might be your children, you cannot help but become invested in the possibility. In fact, I feel it’s more responsible to think it all the way through.
 
The next morning our caseworker sent another email about those three. Someone at CPS had not made clear that they were “legal risk” kids intended only for foster, not for adoption. So almost as quickly as it came, the opportunity was gone.

This is such a roller coaster of a process, and each time a child is yanked off the table it hurts me and I mourn the loss. I wonder how long it will take for us to be chosen to parent children who need a forever family. I wonder how long I can take it until that happens. Discouraged, I reached out to other members of an online forum (people waiting for U.S. foster adoption) for comfort. Here are some of their words:

"Be patient. I’m a year in, with 2 considerations and both we had to decline. Our SW [social worker] said the average wait can be two years. Try not to be in a rush. It’s hard but you want the right match."

"...I keep all my dreams and plans in a notebook and try not to talk about each new listing to my friends…waiting until the time we really move forward with visits."

"Adoptive parents have to be hearty, if not - we would not be here for the real journey that arrives, when children come to live with you! Best Of Luck!!!"

"...it is sad in that you grieve the excitement you would have had building toward your baby if it was a baby you were carrying, but it also made everything easier to just try to be invested in other parts of my life. It has really helped me be in the moment."

"I had one failed match when I was adopting and it tore my heart and soul out. I really believe that, because we are so vulnerable and open during our adoptions, you can develop a bond very quickly with potential children, even sometimes without meeting them. And it is truly as serious emotionally as a late term miscarriage...Sending you lots of loving encouragement to persevere and keep the faith. It is SO worth it."

Patient. Hearty. Vulnerable. Perseverance and faith. It's a tall order; one that makes you wonder what kind of stuff you are made of.